• Celestial Smackdown: Khorne vs. Kali

  Watch as the Gods of Chaos take on the "Real" Ones.

  written by Alex Woitalla, 19.11.08

  he bulky figure stood tall against the dark red horizon as it stepped toward its now defeated opponent. The heavily wounded Commissar wretched in pain, trying to mobilize his last powers to evade the inevitable, but nothing could save him, with his best men slain in the trenches and the minions of evil spilling blood and carnage amongst the supporting troops of the planetary governor. A machine-like hissing from the ancient Power Armour was the last thing the Commissar noticed, as the heavy metal boot slowly applied pressure to his back. With the last exhalation the formed the final word of his life, a life, that was submitted to delivering powerful speeches, rallying contingents of shaken guardsmen, facing assured death on the battlefield. “God.”, and then he died, his back broken, ribs crushed, lungs collapsing.

  Brother Arkash felt the deep satisfaction, which had always been just like a drug to him. His blood still raging in his veins, he bent down to the small man that gave him some sports at last. He had never killed a Commissar before, so the merit was to him for sure, although he had nothing left to prove to his men or to himself. There was just one master for him, the One, he had sworn his fidelity to. With a swift swing of his battle axe, he severed the Commissars head, grabbed it with his massive armoured fist, almost crushing the skull, then lifting it into the burning skies. From the deepest of his lungs he roared his prayer to his master, his Brother Marines joining his chant, as they always did and as they always will. “Blood for the Blood Good! Skulls for the Skull Throne!”

  Yes, deep inside, we all love Khorne and his chaotic comrades. Blood and carnage, pain and pleasure, intrigue and betrayal, decay and morbidity, we all carry these traits buried deep inside of our souls. So this should be reason enough for me to create a new series of articles, dedicated to the Dark Gods. Let us take a look at Khorne, sexy Slaanesh, Tzeench and Nurgle But hey… just writing some cruel and mind ripping fan fiction won’t do it. Let us compare them to deities of our own world, let us compare them to “real” gods. I’m excited to announce the first instalment of our four episode mini-series “Celestial Smackdown”. Tonight we see Khorne, God of Hate, Rage, Blood, Violence, War and Killing as he takes on Kali, the Hindu God and avowed Redeemer of the Universe.

  Round 1: The Name.
  Well…I guess that’s a win for Khorne. Connect anything with blood and violence, put it into an aspect of hate and carnage… there you go. You got a nice new dubbing for Khorne. Kali, Redeemer of the Universe is, let’s say… ambitious, but will not do in the 40k universe.

  Round 2: Wargear.
  Hmm… Khorne’s got an axe, some armour that absorbs magic and a throne made of skulls. Kali wields something like a scimitar and a hand sickle. But the rather disturbing find is the skirt made of severed arms, the necklace made of skulls and an earring made of dead baby’s bodies. Ugh… round for Kali, I guess.

  Round 3: Physique.
  Khorne is massive, bulky, wearing heavy armour, resembling the archetypical image of a daemon. He is brutal, powerful and said to be immune to magic - at least when he is wearing his kinky armour. Kali is said to walk in the body of a woman, sprouting four to eight arms from her torso. She is imagined having black skin, sometimes blue skin. Eight arms and blue skin? That got me. I call this a draw.

  Round 4: Followers.
  There are not many followers of Khorne, as most of them don’t live long enough to spread the word of Khorne. Plus the followers of Khorne don’t build temples, having their temple on the battlefield itself… Kali wins this round. Hinduism has about 900 million followers in the world. That beats Khorne easily.

  Round 5: Minions.
  Does Kali have minions? In fact I don’t know. I couldn’t find any sources about it. Are there beings like angels or daemons, loyal to Kali? If you happen to know, share you knowledge with us. Khorne has minions, oh yes. Bloodletters, Bloodthirsters, Flesh Hounds, Berserkers… all brutal, evil and life-denying. That round goes to Khorne.

  Let’s count the numbers… Khorne: 3 – Kali 3

  IT’S A DRAW! I’m puzzled. If you would like to conclude anything from it, go for it. I’ll retire for now, but not without announcing the next episode of our ongoing series “Celestial Smackdown”, when Tzeentch, the Changer of the Ways takes on Loki, the Nordic Trickster.
  

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